Gritty terrorizes the White House

The reign of terror that the Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty has had on the United States of America reached new heights on Monday afternoon.

During the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, the orange, fluffy rolls of the hockey creature appeared on scene and caused havoc among the typically jovial guests.

The bug-eyed ball of beast made their presence known almost immediately. Aimlessly thrashing their hips around among a few rabbit accomplices, letting chaos reign at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

During the ass-popping movement, the smooth and southern-accented voice of someone there that has probably done a number of shameful things along their journey to be witness to the mascot of a bad NHL team shake their behind, passive-aggressively claims that “that is enough.” They have had enough of your big ol’ ass, Gritty.

They did not stop there. If teaming up with some bunnies was not enough, Gritty went further to push his own agenda on the most powerful lawn of the nation.

Legalize canceling plans last minute, Gritty? Really?

The effort put in was that of a similarly-minded protester from roughly 15 months ago. No real thought or plan was put in place to make their statement. Just a sign and some movement that caused people to panic all around them.

What bill needs to be passed to legalize canceling plans last minute? Do you have the documents, Gritty? Where is your proposal?

After the lazy attempt to make a permanent mark on this country, Gritty went on to do the dance that holds his namesake. It is a dark day for our nation.

No subtlety at all with that attempt. The frantic movements of a toddler paired with the blank stare of a hockey blogger produced a vicious and merciless sight that only a select few should bare witness to ever again.

During his second series of attempted twerks, Gritty was shot three times in the abdominal area by White House security and died on the scene. Gritty has been compromised to a permanent end.