Imagine being eliminated in the first round of the 2023 NHL playoffs? Couldn’t be the Philadelphia Flyers. That would be too embarrassing to even imagine. They should scoff off the stupid and poor teams that got booted out of the postseason before they even really got a sniff of the Stanley Cup.
We are too busy over here thinking about what the summer could hold for the Flyers. A new team of executives, a very important draft, and best of all, there might be a whole lot of transactions. There is a new direction for this team and we might be filled with hope for the first time in a very long time.
But, what the Flyers could provide this summer with those transactions is helping out the teams that were kicked out of this year’s postseason in the very first round. They are scrambling and desperate to either find reasons why they lost or just simply improve as much as possible so they don’t get embarrassed once again.
Since Philadelphia is most likely not going to try and be competitive next season and the 2023-24 regular season will be 82 games of just seeing what they have in some young players as we wait for the next crop of exciting prospects, let’s try to discover how the Flyers can provide some assistance for those eight stupid losers who lost.
New York Rangers
Ignore them completely
The Rangers got kicked in the butt by the New Jersey Devils and this emotion-mixing series resulted in all of us just shrugging and moving on with our lives. Unfortunately, the Blueshirts put a whole lot of their chips in to get premium rentals like Vladimir Tarasenko and Patrick Kane mid-season and now they leave not even having won one single playoff series. Pathetic losers!
They will need to replace those players by either re-signing them to contracts with larger cap hits than what the Rangers have for them now, signing some other old dudes, or trying to graduate their failson prospects like Kaapo Kakko to the top-six.
What the Flyers can do is leave them be and not help them out. Would Travis Konecny almost make too much sense for the Rangers and score a billion points for them? Yeah, it almost makes too much sense. Does it cause us an above-average amount of nausea thinking about that dude playing in those colors? Yes.
The Rangers are like a child that just needs to find themselves and what they need to be without depending on the crutches of top-end free agents and draft lottery luck.
New York Islanders
Take one of their stupid players
The Islanders might suck, like, really bad next season. They have more money tied up in average players than anyone in the entire NHL and because of that, have barely any room to try and improve their roster. So, even if we kind of hate them because they are annoying, the Flyers can be a little bit nicer and take on a bad player that isn’t making too much money for not a lot of years.
Josh Bailey kind of sucked last year and saw his role go down to a depth player. The 32-year-old forward is making $5 million but just for one single year. Would the Islanders want to pay the Flyers to take his contract for them? Maybe they just give a little draft pick and then he can just have all the ice-time he wants to try and rehab into a good player, and then Philadelphia gets something for Bailey at the trade deadline. No, we didn’t mention Shayne Gostisbehere? What?
There probably isn’t any reality in thinking that the Islanders of all teams would be wanting to part ways with an established player on their team without needing to re-sign key players or pursue big-time free agents. Maybe if they’re desperate enough, because we know pain is coming for them.
Boston Bruins
Give them someone, anyone
The Boston Bruins have a total of nine players heading to unrestricted free agency that played at least one game for them this season. They need just some players to be able to play hockey for them and especially at up front, since they have just seven regular forwards under contract next season.
So, the Flyers could do them a favor and send anyone over there for the small fee of some draft picks. Boston has already send out most of its draft picks for the foreseeable future for this failed playoff run, so why not get rid of them all and take an early vacation?
In return, they could have Nic Deslauriers. A perfect Boston Bruin and someone that is under contract for three more years! That is so many seasons where the Bruins don’t have anyone signed to play forward for them – Nic Deslauriers can!
Tampa Bay Lightning
Be apathetic
Out of every team that got into the playoffs and failed, the Tampa Bay Lightning failed the most. Imagine how ashamed you would be to be the team that let the Toronto Maple Leafs of all teams earn their first playoff series win since 2004. That’s up there on the embarrassment levels.
This loss should send them down a path of mind-bending questions as to why they lost and if they even have players that are good anymore.
Even if they do that, this entire exercise has come to a screeching halt when it comes to some feasible move that could be made between the Flyers and this team. They have an optimized roster with no hangers-on waiting to get dealt as a sacrifice to the hockey gods, and they don’t have enough cap space to trade for the few good players that the Flyers have.
We’re stumped.
Colorado Avalanche
Give them some depth
To start out with the second half of these loser teams, we have to mention that the Flyers can be a little more lenient with their help for these Western Conference teams. Who cares about making a mistake when you only play them twice a year, right?
The Colorado Avalanche are in their own world of pain like the Bruins. Approximately $14 million in cap space this summer seems like a lot, but the Avalanche have only 10(!) skaters under contract next season. They need to replace a whole lot of folks and get cheap-as-hell depth.
They could always just go out and sign league-minimum players but where’s the fun in that? Colorado should just call up Danny Brière and think about giving some late-round draft picks for young guys like Tanner Laczynski to then put in their top-nine forward group. Because you know they will just be able to turn anyone into a contributor if they need it.
Minnesota Wild
Free them from their stupidity
The Minnesota Wild flopped out of the first round and couldn’t win a playoff series – big shocker! – and are about to head into a significant offseason where they have to make decisions on how to graduate some good prospects into being full-time NHL players.
One guy is right-handed offensively gifted defenseman Calen Addison who has been in trade rumors the last few months. He is just 23 years old and has been healthy scratched so many times, despite scoring a good amount of points wherever he goes. He’s not the most defensively responsible blueliner, but the mistakes are what you expect from a young player. So, the Flyers should simply let them be stupid and give up on a talented player way too early in their career.
His age matches the timeline with Cam York, Tyson Foerster, and the other prospects the Flyers are slowly accumulating, so it’s not calling off the rebuild. But, it is just taking a chance on what could be a buy-low find that makes other general managers so damn angry.
Los Angeles Kings
Give them a goalie, why not?
It is so obvious what the Los Angeles Kings are going to do this summer. Them – along with the Pittsburgh Penguins, the New Jersey Devils, and the Ottawa Senators – are in desperate need of some stable goaltending and the Flyers might have the best guy available and still has that young shine on him.
Carter Hart could be traded this summer. If Brière thinks that Hart’s future is not with the Flyers and the team is better off not trying to get rescued by him every single night, to just sink to the bottom of the standings and get better players because of it, then he could certainly get dealt. It’s not like he’s setting the world on fire with his career .906 save percentage, but his reputation is still good. He’s so young that teams can envision him being in between their pipes for the next decade.
So, why not the Kings? They have plenty of young prospects to give up for the one needed position they have and Philadelphia will gladly take some top-end talent in any other position.
Winnipeg Jets
Take advantage of their inner rot
The Winnipeg Jets are a complete mess. Rumors of locker room disaster and drama are seeping out of every post-season report and the team is staying pat with their management and coaching. So, something has to change, and that’s going to be the players.
Winnipeg has been blessed by drafting and developing well enough to have individual talent that rivals a whole lot of teams. It just doesn’t come together at all. So, even if the Flyers are rebuilding, snatching a young(ish) player like 26-year-old very good winger Nikolaj Ehlers that has two more years remaining on his deal, could be something special.
Hell, even if the Flyers technically got older by doing a Provorov-for-Ehlers swap, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Let the Danish winger shine on a new team, and either be that all-situations player he is destined to be or a perfect pump-and-dump option to strengthen the rebuild. Nothing wrong with that.
Philadelphia is full of love and we just know that they are going to help out the losers.
